i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
