can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
