Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize