conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
