i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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