I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
