forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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