Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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