is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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