Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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