I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
