We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
