remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
