when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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