it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
