getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
