Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
