what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
