who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
