Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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