I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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