I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
