I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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