There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
