We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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