I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
