I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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