my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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