I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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