i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize