Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
