mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You pole danced in your parka.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
