Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
