Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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