She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sobbing to NWA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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