You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
