I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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