Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
