She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
