this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
