So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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