he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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