Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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