I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
