You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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