:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
