She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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