The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he thought i was a dude.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
