He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
