you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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