Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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