i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
