Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
