yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
