At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
