Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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