physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
