she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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