So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
