he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
