Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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