Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
