i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
