I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
