Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
