Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
