She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this hospital has no fireball
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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