I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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