Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
