you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize