I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
