this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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